Cordelia Chase (
visiongirl) wrote2014-09-05 02:39 pm
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If My Heart Was A House You'd Be Home | For
chuisle|
all_inclusive
It's been a few months now since Cordelia first arrived here in the hotel. Things have eased up a little, after that rather public argument of theirs he did give her more space, which she's appreciated. It's given her time to adjust to life in the hotel, to occasionally branch out and talk to other people.
Not that she doesn't still spend a lot of time with him anyway, because she does. In all this time neither one of them have even suggested the idea of her getting her own room -- or at least her own bed. He still sleeps on the fold out sometimes but it's not that uncommon for them to end up asleep in the same bed.
Or he sleeps, anyway. Months later and Cordelia still has trouble sleeping. Maybe it's because after being in a coma so long, after dying in one there's an irrational fear that if she falls asleep she might not wake up.
Which is why she's lying here in the dark, staring at the ceiling and thinking about things a little too much. She's not the brooder of the two of them, preferring to live in the moment then the past but sometimes it's easier not to. It's easier to not think about how they shouldn't let whatever is going on here end up in their long list of missed opportunities. To just indulge the irrational fear that if actually talks to the man she loves about things she'd probably just end up disappearing again.
He had once suggested that maybe they were supposed to miss their moment -- but Cordelia rejects that idea. She has problems with the idea of thinking it was all up to fate or how things were "supposed" to be -- like their choices don't even matter. Because they do. Skip might of taken all the credit for how her life shaped out, how it was all supposedly manipulated so Jasmine could hijack her but she refuses to give them that much credit. To believe that their choices, what they want or feel don't matter. It does.
"Angel?" She calls out quietly, as if testing to see if he's fallen asleep yet. It's a little strange, sometimes, that they have the same sleep schedules now. Or at least they do in theory with him being human and all.
Not that she doesn't still spend a lot of time with him anyway, because she does. In all this time neither one of them have even suggested the idea of her getting her own room -- or at least her own bed. He still sleeps on the fold out sometimes but it's not that uncommon for them to end up asleep in the same bed.
Or he sleeps, anyway. Months later and Cordelia still has trouble sleeping. Maybe it's because after being in a coma so long, after dying in one there's an irrational fear that if she falls asleep she might not wake up.
Which is why she's lying here in the dark, staring at the ceiling and thinking about things a little too much. She's not the brooder of the two of them, preferring to live in the moment then the past but sometimes it's easier not to. It's easier to not think about how they shouldn't let whatever is going on here end up in their long list of missed opportunities. To just indulge the irrational fear that if actually talks to the man she loves about things she'd probably just end up disappearing again.
He had once suggested that maybe they were supposed to miss their moment -- but Cordelia rejects that idea. She has problems with the idea of thinking it was all up to fate or how things were "supposed" to be -- like their choices don't even matter. Because they do. Skip might of taken all the credit for how her life shaped out, how it was all supposedly manipulated so Jasmine could hijack her but she refuses to give them that much credit. To believe that their choices, what they want or feel don't matter. It does.
"Angel?" She calls out quietly, as if testing to see if he's fallen asleep yet. It's a little strange, sometimes, that they have the same sleep schedules now. Or at least they do in theory with him being human and all.
no subject
"Can't sleep?"
Asks the pot calling the kettle black. He can't sleep, either.
no subject
It's a bad joke, a way of deflecting the seriousness of the situation. Her long term coma probably has a big role in why she has difficulty sleeping now -- something he's probably picked up on despite all her best efforts to hide it. It's much harder to hide things when they're sharing a room together.
"Has it been difficult for you, switching to a normal human schedule?"
She imagines it must be.
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Talking about his time as Wolfram & Hart's CEO was another thing he didn't want to discuss. Technically, he still was the guy in charge of the Los Angeles branch. His contract was still active, and it was a little frightening to think that whatever (or whoever) controlled this world had the ability to keep them in it. Whatever that power was, it overrode the Senior Partners' ability to recall him using his contract.
"Very," he answers without hesitation. Others would get a shrug and a lie, but Cordelia gets the truth. "I haven't been human in centuries. I forgot how to do a lot of things that people who aren't dead have to do."
Like shave. Also use the bathroom... That had been a mortifying night for he and Wesley both. It wasn't his fault that indoor plumbing wasn't a thing in the 1750s!
no subject
"And there's a lot of things people do now that they probably didn't when you were last human."
She can't imagine it's been any sort of easy transition for him.
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"Oh yeah," he says emphatically, recalling all the modern day mechanisms and habits he barely blinked at when he was dead that had confounded the crap out of him while he tried to navigate them as a living person who now relied on them. "There was a period of awkward adjustment. Really awkward. Made even awkward-er by the necessity to pretend I was still a vampire."
Angel grimaces, remembering all the times he was beaten and bloody, hot and sweaty and seven different kinds of uncomfortable beneath the layers of his long leather coat, doing his damnedest to walk upright and in a straight line. Not dying right then and there had hinged on his ability to tolerate the pain and make it back to the firm without giving himself away.
no subject
"I can only imagine." It's said with sympathy. She thought the adjustment period when she first accepted Skip's offer to become part demon had been weird but she has a feeling this has to be a lot weirder for him. A lot harder. Especially after so many decades.
"You seem to be doing well now, though." Or better, at least.